The Walrus and the Carpenter (another take on_)

I came across some of my old writings last night. Among the tomes, I found my version of a satire on the classic The Walrus and the Carpenter, this being the longest verse ever written by me. Penned August 15, 2007, below is the same for a browse.

The Walrus and the Carpenter (another take on_)
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were strolling by the beach;
For lack of things to do they said,
"Let's grab an oyster each!"
"I wouldn't really mind two instead…"
"Oh that would be a peach!"

A little distance on they saw
'Most floating on the shore,
A tiny soggy little book,
Like no book seen before!
Sticking out a pair of hands and feet
Confounding furthermore!

Getting closer both, on tippy toe,
Stunned to preposterous stupefaction
Beheld a pair of saucer eyes,
Grinning to distraction!
"How d'ye you?" the oyster said.
"Let us have some action!"

The Walrus and the Carpenter,
Boy! Could they've asked for more?
Swiped napkins out, with knives and forks,
And buttered bread for score!
Flinging aside the book the oyster said,
"Wait! How 'bout a chat before?"

"No harm humoring the lil' chap!" they said.
"Let 'im have his lit' squeal!
After all, we'd have him to thank
For the tiny scrumptious meal!"
"And so how's the beach today, my tiny lil' Brother?
I'm certain you'd clearly see the fun we're having together!"

"I am no every oyster! I'm an oyster Oxfordian!
I thesize, I theorize, on all that’s non-Crustacean!
Euclid, Byron, Darwin and Rousseau, Victor, Goethe
Rest within this lil' brain, the one you're out to eat."
"Even then," rumbled the Walrus,
"It makes for very little meat!"

"I know 'bout your lil' scheme, you clean up beach by beach
Eating brothers, sisters, uncles, cousins, nephews and niece
After every massive shell-shed, what nutrition you derive?
I'm an oyster, I know! This life, it ain't no prize!"
"Well then, why don’t you give it up?"
Gleamed the Carpenter, with marbles in his eyes.

"I have a cause to champion, I'm out to save the clan!
Among every other oyster, there is born a lil' man!
No truer words thus spaketh, I do what I can!"
"Oh stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Do not soliloquize!"
The Walrus in a nauseous faint,
"I need to calm my nerves! Get him to capsize!"

"Well yes," the Carpenter said,
"It seems at the onset we could be headed for indigestion…
This oral voracity suggests great power of suggestion!
We cannot eat you Crustacean Brother! Let us thus seek another,
Who will not throw such a fit of squeal,
So we can digest a peaceful meal!"

"So you still admit that you shall seek, the vagaries of oyster meat?"
"Well, the taste is stuck to tongue! How can we stop what has begun?
But we couldn't ever eat you still! Cross our hearts against our will!
Matter not which beach we go; you your lil' book, we'd know…
Who it is a mile apart to keep; we cannot risk another meet!
We cannot risk another meet!"

The Walrus and the Carpenter
They had their lil' spell;
They were only a lil' hungry;
But they certainly meant well.
As for the lil' oyster
Should I tell you what befell?
 

Note:
In the Western world, it is well known that walruses savor seals while carpenters stick to tuna sandwiches. In this side of the Eastern world there are no walruses. This leaves our carpenters to settle for periodic shots of very strong tea with lots of sugar. Should the kind reader fancy, 'The Walrus and the Carpenter' - the original work of Lewis Carroll can be browsed at http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/walrus.html