Friday, April 27, 2012

Vision Test (Patricia Kirkpatrick)


The brain, like the earth, lies in layers.
Floaters dart and punch. I see the field.
My face stays numb. Keep your eye on the target.
Click the button when a light appears.
Last night I read “So little evidence is left
of what had vanished.” I can’t always follow directions.
The tumor pressed a lobe, charging
the amygdala, emotional core of the self.
In school they taught us that soil covers core
and mantle; mythology explains creation
and change. Now age drapes childhood;
my hair, the incision. I see a light but forget
to click. I didn’t remember dreams for a year.
How I’ve changed may not be apparent.

Source is here

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Brook (Alfred Lord Tennyson)


I come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally
And sparkle out among the fern,
To bicker down a valley.

By thirty hills I hurry down,
Or slip between the ridges,
By twenty thorpes, a little town,
And half a hundred bridges.

Till last by Philip's farm I flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

I chatter over stony ways,
In little sharps and trebles,
I bubble into eddying bays,
I babble on the pebbles.

With many a curve my banks I fret
By many a field and fallow,
And many a fairy foreland set
With willow-weed and mallow.

I chatter, chatter, as I flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

I wind about, and in and out,
With here a blossom sailing,
And here and there a lusty trout,
And here and there a grayling,

And here and there a foamy flake
Upon me, as I travel
With many a silvery waterbreak
Above the golden gravel,

And draw them all along, and flow
To join the brimming river
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

I steal by lawns and grassy plots,
I slide by hazel covers;
I move the sweet forget-me-nots
That grow for happy lovers.

I slip, I slide, I gloom, I glance,
Among my skimming swallows;
I make the netted sunbeam dance
Against my sandy shallows.

I murmur under moon and stars
In brambly wildernesses;
I linger by my shingly bars;
I loiter round my cresses;

And out again I curve and flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on for ever.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Following (Virginia Adair)


Someone is always falling in love with you:
men and women, infants and children,
octogenarians and adolescents.
A tenant of heaven-haven on the pearly doorstep
hopes you will wave your hand in passing.
Where you stood just now a white bird
has flown into a ponderosa pine
and a black bee hovers in a bush of yellow flowers.

People would like to discuss you, but hold back.
Mystery is a fragile substance, too easy to tear.
Several persons, however, have noticed that you are followed
not by the usual shadow but by a shaft of sunlight.
Even on a day of fog or light rain.
Even after sunset.

When you are not present, you still walk quietly
through our minds, and we tell ourselves little stories
or small poems about you, like this one.
When a bird sings, we listen carefully
hoping your name will be mentioned.


(Living on Fire: A Collection of Poems)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Pas de dix mots


Des jours où tous les cieux, l’un dedans, l’un au-dessus,
Pensent au même,
Nous y te voyons, souriant, aux cieux du Nord-Est,
Souriant, faisant la pluie.

(Penned Wedn, Feb 29, 2012)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Aye

What lies ahead


So there is this little child, a rather modest small town girl. She keeps to herself, does her work most earnestly, as best she can. Her father, now retired, used to work at the steel plant in Jamshedpur. They are the kind of family for whom the things they have always aspired to have, have always been two steps ahead of their capacity to afford. They are the kind of family, always righteous and morally upright, who have had to save penny by penny, actually evaluate the cost of each item on their monthly shopping list and try and save as much as they can. With a lifetime of such economy, they have managed to educate their daughter first in architecture, then in design from the premier institutions in the country. This child, unlike most other children of this day and age, understands the value of this economy and of the sacrifices her parents have made. She works in another city, away from her parents, saves as much as she can and enjoys the simple pleasures of life, like strolling away in the company of close friends in a highly alluring shopping area, content with what she has, knowing that she is well provided for.

She is ambitious and wants to study further, so on the sly, she applies for entrance exams on her own steam and clears a few of them. Going through a most long drawn process, she balances work, sourcing education loans, liaising with the international college of her choice, patiently networking with professionals the other side of the world, to try and find the confidence to go so far away from the warmth of the familiar. The fees cost her what nothing has ever cost her before. Her parents feel the strain of the expenses however they know that with this child of theirs, they have done something right. They approach their relatives, ex-colleagues, pull every string, reach out to every contact, manage every loan organized or unorganized that they can, to add to the child’s education loan, possibly mortgage their house to put together the money for the fees in an economy of the ever weakening rupee. The child runs pillar to post, from city to city, tracing back every college in the journey of her education to get her transcripts in order, one sheet of paper, one certificate at a time. The visa process is strenuous, riddled with bureaucratic norms and amidst much uncertainty and anxiety, she finally gets her study visa.

She is running late for her classes which have begun already. She will join the term delayed by a month. The time in between, finally one of some sort of rest, she will use to go and spend time with all her friends and family. That is her story so far.

Why do I write about it? I have lived in my life, quite a few stories of this sort, where people I know have flown away in pursuit of higher education. Not one of them has been as hard, earnest or persistent an effort, one made possible by the collective commitment and belief of so many people coming together. Of course, there will be several families in this country who go through this kind of angst. I know of the anxieties of her parents of the well-being and righteousness of their only child. To me what matters, is how this small town girl with ambition and merit has managed to take matters forward for herself. It is progressive, one that can change the course of her life, add to her employability, undo all loans, uplift the finances of her family, take her parents places they always aspired to go, that were always two steps ahead of their capacity to afford.

It takes three generations to change the fortunes of a family. She is the third generation and her triumph is one of values, grit and sheer belief. Which is why I write about it.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Life's Little Instructions (William Snell, 1993)


Sing in the shower.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
Watch the sunrise at least once a year.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Strive for excellence not perfection.
Plant a tree on your birthday.
Learn three clean jokes.
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Leave everything a little better than you found them.
Keep it simple.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say “thank you” a lot.
Say “please” a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other peoples' birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Have a firm handshake.
Send lots of Valentine cards, sign them.
Look people in the eye.
Be the first to say “hello”
Return all things you borrow.
Make new friends but cherish old ones.
Keep secrets.
Plant flowers every spring.
Have a dog.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Stop blaming others.
Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Wave at kids on school buses.
Be there when people need you.
Don’t expect life to be fair.
Never underestimate the power of love.
Drink champagne for no reason at all.
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Don’t be afraid to say “I made a mistake.”
Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.”
Compliment even small improvements.
Keep your promises no matter what.
Marry only for love.
Rekindle old friendships.
Count your blessings.
Call your mother.
And your dad too, if they happen to be alive.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Of poetry and love


What words of mine, will suffice, over-used, commonplace, falling short, I call upon, those men and women, now captive to the embrace of weeds, of moss, the occasional rose, and borrow, their words forgotten except for when remembered, woven impossibly, yet here, to be read apart, or better yet, strung together.


"We live in a world of motion and distance.”

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

“The heart flies from tree to bird, from bird to distant star, from star to love; and love grows in the quiet house, turning and working, servant of thought, a lamp held in one hand."

"I do not consider myself less ignorant than most people. I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings my blood whispers to me."

"The act of writing defies all distance."

"Where do the words go when we have said them?"

"Do words outlast the world they describe?"

"The immense space suddenly becomes vacant: then illuminated."

"In which way are stars brighter than they are. When we have come to this decision. We mention many thousands of buds. And when I close my eyes I see them."

“I am being eaten away by light"

"I don’t know where I end and the world begins. My best guess? Skin. It’s the only actual boundary between the body and the world, between a body and any other body.”

“Simultaneously, and without pity, the natural world and its physical laws restrict the human form and its capacities. All of us are trapped in our skins and drowning in gravity. Physics is unforgiving. Nature is predatory. We do not walk through a passive landscape."

"This is not my teeming fate, my rind, my rolling ellipsis or valedictory spray of myrrh. Always it’s morning, afternoon or evening - the loot of hours - a magic sack grasping vacuum but heavy in the hand, and from which, together, we pull a swarm of telepathic bees, melons beached in a green bin, a lithograph of the city from its crumbling ramparts, crackled pitchers and the mouth of a cave. Perhaps this is my open weave, my phantom rialto or plume of light. We bow to each other in the mash of flicking things. We are completely surrounded."

“Still, what I want in my life is to be willing, to be dazzled, to cast aside the weight of facts, and maybe even, to float a little above this difficult world. I want to believe I am looking into the white fire of a great mystery. I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing - that the light is everything - that it is more than the sum of each flawed blossom rising and fading."

"We shall have to adapt ourselves to the shadowy screen and to the cold machine. A new form of writing will be necessary. I have thought of that and I can feel what is coming. But I rather like it. This swift change of scene, this blending of emotion and experience… in life, too, changes and transitions flash before our eyes, and emotions of the soul are like a hurricane.”

"I think of you often. Especially in the evenings, when I am on the balcony and it’s too dark to write or to do anything but wait for the stars. A time I love. One feels half disembodied, sitting like a shadow at the door of one’s being while the dark tide rises.”

"Love is a thought, hidden in the darkness of the world."

"You exhale a fist of memory. I love you like weathering wood in a room of empty pianos.”

“Then comes the moon, marvelously serene, and small stars, very merry for some reason of their own. It is so easy to forget, in a worldly life, to attend to these miracles."

"Our love moved with the slowness of an object… Blueshifted as sitting for a portrait where you can’t grudge time. It awakened fingers at the tip of our words, chambers in the heart. Then suddenly everything too close, a splinter under the skin… Vertigo of reflections, the smooth surface lost in eddies and currents."

"What is this desire that nothing can change or deflect when everything changes? The lack of forgetting is the same thing as the lack in being, since being is nothing other than forgetting. The love of truth is the love of this weakness whose veil we have lifted, it’s the love of what truth hides…"

"That is why the better part of our memory exists outside ourselves, in a blatter of rain, in the smell of an unaired room or of the first crackling brushwood fire in a cold grate: wherever, in short, we happen upon what our mind, having no use for it, had rejected, the last treasure that the past has in store, the richest, that which when all our flow of tears seems to have dried at the source can make us weep again. Outside ourselves, did I say; rather within ourselves, but hidden from our eyes in an oblivion more or less prolonged."

"There is always somebody, when we come together, and the edges of meeting are still sharp, who refuses to be submerged; whose identity therefore one wishes to make crouch beneath one’s own."

"His soul was swooning into some new world, fantastic, dim, uncertain as under sea, traversed by cloudy shapes and beings. A world, a glimmer, or a flower? Glimmering and trembling, trembling and unfolding, a breaking light, an opening flower, it spread in endless succession to itself, breaking in full crimson and unfolding and fading to palest rose, leaf by leaf and wave of light by wave of light, flooding all the heavens with its soft flushes, every flush deeper than the other."

“I want to know my own will and to move with it. And I want, in the hushed moments when the nameless draws near, to be among the wise ones - or alone. I want to mirror your immensity. I want never to be too weak or too old to bear the heavy, lurching image of you. I want to unfold. Let no place in me hold itself closed, for where I am closed, I am false. I want to stay clear in your sight. I would describe myself like a landscape I’ve studied at length, in detail; like a word I’m coming to understand; like a pitcher I pour from at mealtime; like my mother’s face; like a ship that carried me when the waters raged.”

"You sent for me to talk to you of art; and I have obeyed you in coming. But the main thing I have to tell you is,—that art must not be talked about."

"In the poem, on the page, as you are for me, not a shadow, but a shade whose darkness drops from no object
but is itself yourself, a form of time, spanning nothing, never is your name."

"I don’t think writers are supposed to give answers."

"He is exactly the poem I wanted to write."

"The terrible fidelity the sculptor shows, refusing all. A blind man couldn’t, fumbling with his fingertips, discover: the eye within the eye."
-

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

ABC (Wislawa Szymborska)


 
    I’ll never find out now
    What A. thought of me.
    If B. ever forgave me in the end.
    Why C. pretended everything was fine.
    What part D. played in E.’s silence.
    What F. had been expecting, if anything.
    Why G. forgot when she knew perfectly well.
    What H. had to hide.
    What I. wanted to add.
    If my being around
    meant anything
    to J. and K. and the rest of the alphabet.
-
My world is too small; no paths brought me to you until it was late; late is better than never; and here we are; in time good enough and not, but nevertheless time.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Mumbai transit



On my commute to the work-place, I would switch into a cab midway. There was this gentleman - about 70, skeletal and very frail with a long flowing beard whom everyone called ‘Chachaji’. He waited for me with his rickety Fiat at the same spot every morning and all the other cabbies knew that he ferried me to office. On days that he was delayed, I waited and out of respect for him, no other cabbie offered to sneak away his fare.

Now Chachaji was a chatty one and I always thought that given his health, it took quite some effort on his part. He told me about his home town, his farms and fields, his family and his life in Mumbai. I knew his daughter kept ill-health and he checked with me about medical terms the medics confounded him with which I explained to him after detailed Google searches. The rains would do in his cab, but he risked the water-logging to still ferry me to work.

And one day, Chachaji disappeared. The other cabbies told me it was the strenuousness of all-day cab driving and his ailing health that made him go back home. Over the months, I kept up my inquiry about Chachaji but there did not seem to be any more news about him.

Nothing out of the ordinary, I happened to change my route, lived for a while in another city and life went about as usual.

This morning,

I switched midway into a cab on another route. It was Chachaji in a brand new Santro. While I silently noted that his health had a bit of sheen, we both could not get over how we came upon each other once again, after two long years.

He told me that he had gone home for about 7 months. His daughter was now better but he was operated for a heart condition. He asked about how my parents were doing and he told me that today was the first Anniversary of his new cab for which I congratulated him. He told me that on returning to the city, he had inquired with the other cabbies about me, and that he remembered me every time he crossed my workplace. He dropped me to work once again this morning and we parted without ceremony with warm wishes for the other.
-

We live in the age of Suhel Seth, of power familiarities, name-flashing and power connections. It passes by many without a sense of alarm, or with nonchalance how friendships and acquaintances can be commoditized, or perhaps conveniently traded.

On days that we are alone in a room in the solitary company of our thoughts - the tv shut, the laptop off, the phone on silent, it would do us well to reflect upon the simplicity and humility of these ties – ones that have neither benefit nor tangible implications in the real world.

The closer, the warmer and receptive we remain to cherishing them, the more morally alive we are.

-